exercise sucks! and designer vaginas!!!

Another day, another blog. I bought a yoga mat at Wal-Mart. We have terrazzo throughout our entire house, and until we became the proud parents of two puppies at Christmastime (a min-pin and a beagle) we had cheap rugs in the living room and FL room. We took them out since prior pets (especially an evil cat or two) had stained them. I decided not to replace them with new puppies coming in. Plus, I have asthma and carpets aren't good for that.

Back to the yoga mat. In rare times past when I've done crunches or any floor exercises, the carpet was fine, except for coming up with enough animal hair to create another kitten. Since the holidays, I put on a few pounds (who didn't? if not you, just hush. Nobody likes a show-off) and decided to do some light exercise in the living room (note to others: forget John Basedow, unless you own a gym). So I bought the mat. Well, I can tell you 50 crunches later that a yoga mat is about as good as a paper towel on these hard floors. I need one of those mats the kids lie on in kindergarten! Minus the snot and germs. I would need to sew two together to make up for height.

And what price beauty, anyway? I just saw on the news today that there is a surgeon creating designer vaginas now! No, I just can't tone up my belly flab with some crunches and a few less calories. I gotta get liposuctioned, tummy tucked, face lifted, lips plumped (as if mine need it - "I was fat-lipped, when fat-lipped wasn't cool"), boobs done, veins lasered, and now - I'm supposed to deliberately let someone - no, PAY someone - to make my vagina like a virgins'? I'll digress to virginity in the next paragraph. NO WAY am I doing any of that. Guess what, everybody? We're going to get old!!!! We're going to die!!!! Nothing will stop those two processes. Well, you could die, like, tomorrow, and then you wouldn't grow old. er. And have you seen Joan Rivers lately? Please, stay away from her plastic surgeon!!!! And get her into rehab! Poor Melissa.

Back to virginity. So this vaginal surgery is supposed to make you a virgin again. I got news for ya. Ain't gonna happen. Virginity is more a state of mind than scalpel. So a prostitute who's had, say, 500 "clients" (and I use the term kindly) has this surgery, and she's all pure, virginal, and schoolgirl innocent? Not that schoolgirls are so innocent anymore, but you know what I mean. Nah. The body will always carry evidence ("Follow the evidence!"). It's the soul that can be made brand-new. Been there. Had it done. The soul-washing, not the 500 clients. God can make the prostitute white as snow, but the surgeon can't. The soul lives forever, the body doesn't.

My. I must have ADD! All this deep thought from a yoga mat.

Sleep well.